Vol. 2 No. 62 May 25, 2007


The Bogus Economist
smart

Last year, a strange-looking creature began appearing on Oregon freeways and city streets – especially city streets. Resembling an egg with its back end chainsawed off, the thing drew stares, chuckles and even gasps from spectators as it went its seemingly carefree way.

This car - I'm sure you already guessed it was a car – is called the smart (NO CAPITALS) and is currently being manufactured by none other than Daimler-Chrysler and marketed by the well-known Penske organization, which has already shown it can compete in the truck rental business and now wants to demonstrate size isn't everything.

The smart (No Capitals) comes in several models overseas, where it has already passed the three-quarter of a million mark in sales. In the U.S., customers will start off with one, called the fortwo (no capitals). There's a good reason for this. If someone is looking for a vehicle that can take the kids out for a picnic, the fortwo is definitely not a good choice. Anything more than a couple of people, or one person and a large dog, along with some groceries, is overload. The people, or the dog, sit high enough to get a good view of the road and the overall effect is somewhat like a one-horse shay without the horse. A family car it's not.

The smart (no caps) began life in the fertile brain of Nicolas Hayek, the inventor of the Swatch (capitals O.K.), which many a boomer sported on their wrists in the heyday of watch fashions. Hayek took his idea to Mercedes-Benz, which became intrigued at the idea of getting into the innovative world of environmentally friendly, low-priced vehicles. Full development of the concept started in 1994 and the smart fortwo (N.C.) debuted at the Frankfurt Motor Show (IAA) in 1997. Germans were wowed. That same year, smart became a 100% owned subsidiary of Daimler-Benz AG. , which devoured Chrysler Corp the next year. This caused Daimler severe indigestion and Chrysler was subsequently spat up and then swallowed by Cerberus Capital Management last month. Note: the company is not to be confused with the three-headed dog of the same name entrusted in Greek mythology with guarding the entrance to Hell. Whatever, it's now got eighty percent of Chrysler Corporation.

Once the smart (nc) was announced, Mercedes first took on the question of safety. How, people asked, could a car looking more like a mobile bar of soap than a car survive in a collision with a determined bicyclist, let alone a Hummer? M-B had an answer: “The safety management system for all smart vehicles starts with the tridion safety cell,” says its website, “ This cell is designed to keep its occupants safe from harm. Made from three layers of reinforced steel at all strategic points, impact energy is distributed evenly through the safety cell.” (See smartcar.com).

Translated, this seems to mean that the Hummer will still probably come out on top, but you've got a better than even chance with the bicycle and probably with a lot of other less sturdily-constructed vehicles. A diagram shows the driver sitting in a kind of cage with what looks like roll bars on three sides. For an egg, it appeared impregnable.

Also, the smart (yes, I know) has a couple of extreme virtues that may make it the next vehicular iPod. First, a typical 20-foot parking space can comfortably accommodate two of them. In France, I saw three smarts parked cozily side by side in one parking space, facing the curb. In an age where a common sport is seeing how many spaces a normal car can occupy, this car might spell the difference between making your appointment and spending a month in jail for assault.

A second advantage of the new baby Mercedes is economy. A smart driver (no capitals needed) can get about 40 mpg, which can make a real difference in paying the rent or buying groceries, especially at current Mafia rates. Nor is the smart (i'm getting used to this) terribly expensive. The base model (the pure) starts at “under eleven thousand.” Going up, the passion (i'm not kidding) costs fourteen and the cabriolet sets you back seventeen or so. The Hummer costs lots more and is always capitalized.

So who's going to buy smarts (small letters)? Well, people who have to buck traffic jams in order to make a living and who are running out of choice adjectives on the way to work might want one. The Less-is-More crowd would take delight in rubbing the environmental ethic into the skins of Escalade owners, while an out of work basketball player, according to the smart ads, could drive happily with room to spare.

What seems sure is that Mercedes will start its program of familiarizing America with pures and passions starting this month. Three truckloads of them will be touring cities near you and you might even get a chance to drive one. Portland gets a look in September. Naturally, if you've put down a $100 refundable deposit, you'll have the first chance. A smart press release claims thousands have already done so. This includes at least one bogus economist. Whether or not we folks are playing it smart remains to be seen.

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The Bogus Economist © 2007